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Nostalgic moments
Another friend of mine was in the same predicament, recently. Jenny is 29 and used to work with Peter, over ten years ago. She fell for him big time but he was living with someone and, although he pushed her to have an affair, she resisted his charms and moved jobs. She says that, up until recently, she always wondered if she'd made the right move. But then came the ten-year office reunion, at the ad agency where Peter still works. 'I saw Peter across the room and, although he still had that twinkle in his eye, he had put on weight, was balding and really quite dull. I always remembered him as being so vibrant and witty that it shocked me. It was good to see him, though. We talked fondly about old times. But I realise now that I made the right decision. If I had got together with Peter, I wouldn't have lived such an interesting life.'
On balance, like Jenny, I don't regret not getting together with Dan. Although we're best friends, we would have made terrible lovers; we're too alike. I think it's also fair to say that a lot of positive things came out of our friendship, which an romantic relationship would have jeopardised. At the time I was a very unconfident 18-year-old, and being close to Dan gave me the boost I needed in order to make my own way in the world.
If you find yourself stuck in the past, try and put these feelings into perspective.Nostalgia is a strong emotion, but it's often misleading. It's far better to live for the moment. Instead of regretting the past, learn from it. Use the experience as a signpost to finding the real Mr. Right. If you're now sure of what you're looking for, then you won't miss out the next time. Dan has come back into my life, but people change. I may well set eyes on him and breathe a sigh of relief - or will I?
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