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I hate you
Other friends merely drift away when our lives take different paths. We figure out ways to avoid them. We book them in for a Monday night drinks (if we must) then cancel, rearrange, and invent migraines. A colleague admits, 'Zoe is my oldest friend; we grew up three doors apart.' Now, at 37 and well past the swapping dolls' clothes stage, Lisa finds Zoe, 'depressing and negative. She makes no secret of the fact that she thinks I have everything - a child, a successful husband, a supposedly great job as a copywriter - and implies that I don't appreciate what I have.' In turn, Lisa finds herself bouncing back by being 'patronising' - reassuring her that she will meet a suitable man, and will get out of her rotten temping job and the exasperation. The friendship faltered further when Lisa had a baby. 'Zoe would fill an entire evening with moans about her boyfriend, who would only allow her to call him on his mobile - and not mention my baby once.'
So Lisa ditched her. Simple as that. She didn't return calls and, when Zoe became persistent, told her she was too busy with the baby to see her for the next few months. Bingo: friend, surplus to requirements, Tip-pexed out of the Filofax.
Sounds harsh? According to Professor Stephen Palmer, Director of the Centre for Stress Management, 'You should ask yourself why you feel so drained after seeing certain friends. Then fix it, or cut them out.' But don't be too ruthless. Professor Palmer adds, 'It's good to have a wide circle of friends - each with different qualities - who aren't too demanding or possessive. In fact, a support system of friends is a good buffer against stress.'
And as for the friend you've argued with - the one you miss terribly? Well, you know her number.
Have you fallen out with a friend? Talk about it on the Overcoming Friendship Problems message board.
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