I don't like my boyfriend talking to his ex about us!

Dear Janet
I'm very friendly with an ex, and even go to him for 'the man's opinion' about my present relationship. But I'd never confess that fact to the man I'm currently going out with. My ex is an ex for a reason: We get on better when we're just friends. Just as I'm sure your boyfriend's ex is an ex for a reason.

However, he is wrong for rubbing your nose in that friendship. You need to have a calm, rational conversation with him about this problem. Don't come at it from a 'blame' position, hurling accusations like, 'You make me feel like I'm less important to you than she is'. That approach will make him defensive, which will put him on the offensive - and you know where that leads.

Instead, try something like, 'You say your friendship with her is no threat to us and I believe you. And I understand that the abortion is a sore point, so I won't ask you about it any more. I just want you to know that if you ever want to talk to me about it, I'm here, but I don't want you to tell me when you're talking to her about me. It just makes me feel insecure.'

Hopefully, this new approach will lead to more sensitivity on his part, which should trigger less insecurity on yours. Good luck.