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My best friend puts me down
One of my best friends has become increasingly critical and I'm not sure how to tackle it. We live together, so I'd rather not confront her, but somehow adapt my behaviour so she'll get the hint. She says I'm always moaning, whinging and that I'm grumpy. She can also be very condescending. She makes these comments in a jokey way and when I answer back she just says I'm being touchy or oversensitive. I don't want to fall out with her, but she's driving me mad.
Andrea
Dear Andrea
Are you sure this woman is really a good friend? Her behaviour sounds a bit brutal. In her jokey way she is constantly confronting you with what she sees as your own inadequacies and naturally you are frightened to confront her in return. You have three options: next time she says something rude to you ask her why she is always on your case. If she says you are being over-sensitive tell her no, you are just being sensitive. Be firm about this. She may have slipped into a routine with you and doesn't even know she's doing it.Or you could try and ignore her and spend as little time with her as possible. Be a bit elusive and then if she says anything about it, you can tell her she's being over-sensitive. Your third option is to make sure you never say or do anything that she can construe as moaning or grumpy behaviour and then pretend not to notice when she's being patronising. Laugh it off. I suspect that your problem is the inevitable result of living so closely together. Make the effort to see your own friends outside of the house more.
Are you sure this woman is really a good friend? Her behaviour sounds a bit brutal. In her jokey way she is constantly confronting you with what she sees as your own inadequacies and naturally you are frightened to confront her in return. You have three options: next time she says something rude to you ask her why she is always on your case. If she says you are being over-sensitive tell her no, you are just being sensitive. Be firm about this. She may have slipped into a routine with you and doesn't even know she's doing it.Or you could try and ignore her and spend as little time with her as possible. Be a bit elusive and then if she says anything about it, you can tell her she's being over-sensitive. Your third option is to make sure you never say or do anything that she can construe as moaning or grumpy behaviour and then pretend not to notice when she's being patronising. Laugh it off. I suspect that your problem is the inevitable result of living so closely together. Make the effort to see your own friends outside of the house more.
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