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Your cheating heart
Forget the image of a mistress as a man's plaything. Today's 'other women' not only know exactly what they want, but how to get it...
Society's stereotypical mistress looks something like this: the predatory man-eater with a taste for married men, the sad loser waiting (and praying) for the phone to ring, or the commitment-phobe only wanting to have her cake and eat it. Few beleive that mistresses enjoy the unconventional set up because they can enjoy a relationship on their own terms.
But today's mistresses don't learn about 'the wife' moments after the first bonk, when he mutters something about not being understood at home. Modern mistresses already know - and accept - that he's hitched.
My friend, Sarah, frankly admits, 'While I was the 'other woman', there wouldn't be another 'other' woman. I knew the pain of being cheated on because my boyfriend of 11 years dumped me for my best friend, so I never wanted to feel that vulnerable again. This way, I was in control.'
When she started the relationship her close circle of friends (including me) had been supportive, but secretly puzzled. What was our elegant, intelligent friend doing with this man? And if it wasn't bad enough, he was also a celebrity, and he had children.
The bitter irony in Sarah's case is that it turned out she wasn't the only 'other' woman. The man was revealed as a double love-rat when another girl went to the tabloids about his fling with her. But when the love-cheat tried to leave his wife for Sarah, she did another decidedly 'unmistressy' thing. She told him she didn't want him.
'I panicked because I realised I didn't really want the commitment. I only wanted to prove I could get a married man, but when he wanted to be with me full-time, I didn't want anything more to do with him.'
Society's stereotypical mistress looks something like this: the predatory man-eater with a taste for married men, the sad loser waiting (and praying) for the phone to ring, or the commitment-phobe only wanting to have her cake and eat it. Few beleive that mistresses enjoy the unconventional set up because they can enjoy a relationship on their own terms.
But today's mistresses don't learn about 'the wife' moments after the first bonk, when he mutters something about not being understood at home. Modern mistresses already know - and accept - that he's hitched.
My friend, Sarah, frankly admits, 'While I was the 'other woman', there wouldn't be another 'other' woman. I knew the pain of being cheated on because my boyfriend of 11 years dumped me for my best friend, so I never wanted to feel that vulnerable again. This way, I was in control.'
When she started the relationship her close circle of friends (including me) had been supportive, but secretly puzzled. What was our elegant, intelligent friend doing with this man? And if it wasn't bad enough, he was also a celebrity, and he had children.
The bitter irony in Sarah's case is that it turned out she wasn't the only 'other' woman. The man was revealed as a double love-rat when another girl went to the tabloids about his fling with her. But when the love-cheat tried to leave his wife for Sarah, she did another decidedly 'unmistressy' thing. She told him she didn't want him.
'I panicked because I realised I didn't really want the commitment. I only wanted to prove I could get a married man, but when he wanted to be with me full-time, I didn't want anything more to do with him.'
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iVillage Ltd is a UK company registered in England & Wales (3837269) at 80-110 New Oxford Street, London WC1 1HB