Top 12 cheating myths

Myth 9: Cheating doesn't count if no one finds out about it

Does cheating really matter if there's absolutely no chance you'd ever get found out? You will never see the person again, you had safe sex, it meant nothing and you told no one. It completely depends on your personality. If you genuinely see nothing wrong with what you did, it probably doesn't.

There's just one problem with this theory: Very few people truly believe there's nothing wrong with cheating. Even dodgy people are aware they're doing something 'wrong' and this is where it all unravels, as your perception of your partner changes.

You're 'one up' on him because you got away with something. This makes him appear either naive and too trusting, or vulnerable and hopelessly helpless. Good relationships are based on mutual admiration and respect, not pitying your partner or secretly thinking they're ignorant.

Myth 10: If there's no sex involved, it's not an affair

Emotional infidelity, deep, passionate connections between people who often aren't even aware they've crossed the line from platonic friendship to romantic love, is the biggest threat a marriage can face.

More than 80 per cent of unfaithful people have affairs with someone who'd started out as 'just a friend', very often a work colleague. In fact, one study showed that 50 per cent of unfaithful women and 62 per cent of unfaithful men were involved with someone at work.

Intense but invisible, erotic but unconsumed, emotional infidelity is dangerous, addictive and way too easy to get away with. If you're often pretending you're single when you're not; if you send secret texts or emails; if you share intimate details of your life with people you fancy and lie to your partner about seeing them, you're an emotional cheater.

Myth 11: Fantasising about someone else means you're about to be unfaithful

While many sex therapists will actually encourage couples in long-term relationships to fantasise about other people to cope with temptation - the logic being, it's okay to be unfaithful in your head, just not your bed - others say it's risky.

They say affairs start in the mind and fantasy sex can make you want the real thing even more. The whole point of fantasies, after all, is to conjure up brilliantly perfect sex. While the real life unfaithful encounter is likely to be far less exciting and imperfect, strong images can increase the craving to stray.

Myth 12: Affairs can 'save' relationships

This is a myth perpetuated by cheating people as justification for what they've done. And it's false. Can you imagine a couple ever saying: 'That affair was the best thing to ever happen to us?' That's because you won't.

Affairs usually involve breaking a vow, lying on a regular basis and betraying trust. Even those who survive find the relationship tinged with resentment, sadness and guilt.

Having said that, looking at the reasons why the person strayed can help piece together what's left of what you had before. People often have affairs to reinvent themselves or, more accurately, to be the person they think they want to be.

A long-term partner is likely to see you as the person you were when you met, rather than the person you've become, or the person you want to become. An affair gives you the chance to start over. That's why, after an affair, it's important to ask, 'Who were you with that person? How can you be that person with me?'