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Why am I cheating?
Dear Susan,
I have been married seven years. I have had three 'emotional' and slightly physical affairs. I tell my husband about them when they are over. I always say that I have learnt my lesson and won't fall into the same trap again. His response has always been that it hasn't rocked his boat as I have stayed with him. I can't understand why I am encouraging relations with other men when essentially I am happy! All the literature on affairs is written about men cheating on women. Am I the only one?
Steff
Dear Steff,
No, you're not the only wife having an affair. The figures suggest that while 60-70% of men cheat, 40-50% of women do, and rising!
But women usually use their affairs to mark the end of a former relationship. The affair is seen not to be a betrayal, but a way out of the original partnership. Men, on the other hand, are much more able to compartmentalise their lives and their sexuality - so they can carry on loving and lusting in tandem for ages without needing to end one relationship and move on to another.
I wonder whether this is what you're doing? Perhaps you're approaching your flings in a masculine way? If so, my only warning is this: take care. Even though your husband says everything's OK, one day he'll suddenly have had enough and you won't be able to get him back.
The other alternative is that you're not running a masculine strategy, but a feminine one - having these half-affairs as a way of starting to wind down your marriage. So you do need to be honest with yourself. You say you're happy - are you, really? Is there something missing? If so, then get your marriage sorted - or your current flings will just be a rehearsal for the big one a few years down the line, the one where you seriously fall in love, seriously fall in lust and seriously destroy your marriage.
No, you're not the only wife having an affair. The figures suggest that while 60-70% of men cheat, 40-50% of women do, and rising!
But women usually use their affairs to mark the end of a former relationship. The affair is seen not to be a betrayal, but a way out of the original partnership. Men, on the other hand, are much more able to compartmentalise their lives and their sexuality - so they can carry on loving and lusting in tandem for ages without needing to end one relationship and move on to another.
I wonder whether this is what you're doing? Perhaps you're approaching your flings in a masculine way? If so, my only warning is this: take care. Even though your husband says everything's OK, one day he'll suddenly have had enough and you won't be able to get him back.
The other alternative is that you're not running a masculine strategy, but a feminine one - having these half-affairs as a way of starting to wind down your marriage. So you do need to be honest with yourself. You say you're happy - are you, really? Is there something missing? If so, then get your marriage sorted - or your current flings will just be a rehearsal for the big one a few years down the line, the one where you seriously fall in love, seriously fall in lust and seriously destroy your marriage.
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