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My stale marriage led to an affair
Dear Susan,
I have been married 14 years and am having my first love affair. My marriage has gone stale - all my husband does is watch TV. Although I'm fond of him, I don't know if I'm in love with him.
My lover is gorgeous but also married! When we are together, we have an incredible time and the sex is out of this world. I miss him when he's not there. I am 34 years old and feel like a lovesick teenager again. He just makes me feel so good and wanted. What should I do?
Emily
I can't tell you what to do here. What I can do is point out some issues you need to think through.
First, is your marriage over? If deep down you know it is, then whether you are in love with someone else or not, at some point you will leave your husband. All you are talking about is the timing. It could be that your affair is a way of showing you how bad your marriage is and marks a 'transition' from a bad to good situation. If so, I would start making plans to separate.
But if your marriage isn't bad enough to leave or if you know you're never going to leave your husband, then you are playing with fire. What if your husband or your lover's wife find out what is happening? You risk losing your marriage, like it or not!
Think about your lover. You don't say whether he's considering leaving his wife or even if this is a possibility. If it isn't, then you are likely to hit conflict over your future and the likely result is you feeling hurt. It might be better to end the affair now while you feel good about him.
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