Relationships 

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Marry me!

You feel ready for marriage, so should you wait for him to pop the question, or take matters in your own hands?

Proposing to your loved one can be the most wonderful fun; planning the surprise, making the arrangements - and then finally popping the question. However, before you drop a ring in his champagne, make sure you stand a fighting chance of him saying 'yes'.

Should you/should't you?

Before you hit planning mode, stop and think about why you're suggesting marriage. Regardless of who pops the question, the commitment is the same, so you must make absolutely sure you are both ready.

Three reasons not to propose

• You see proposal as a way to make yourself (or him) feel more secure. However, engagement and marriage are only a good idea when you're building on a strong relationship, not trying to shore up a weak one.
• You've been waiting for a particular event before committing: perhaps his divorce comes through on February 12th or he starts his new job on February 13th. Whatever the reason, don't rush into proposing so you hit Valentine's Day; he'll need time to settle, so wait a while.
• Get a basic agreement before proposing. If it's not clear he's ready for marriage, he isn't - and if you've been dropping hints and he's not responded, there's a reason.

Three reasons to propose

• The relationship's great; you sense equal commitment on both sides and you have all the skills to make a further commitment really work.
• You yourself have the energy to create a brilliant event to mark your engagement. You'd love to do it, and love to see your beloved's face when you pop the question.
• You've both discussed marriage and established a basic agreement that you're up for it. Actually, the proposal is a formality - you both know that whoever makes it, the answer will be yes.

Make it great

• A great proposal should be memorable. You want to feel good whenever you remember it - and be able to tell the story to your children and grandchildren.
• A great proposal needs to be based on knowledge of your partner and what they would truly like. As you're making all the decisions here, make them with him in mind - however tempted you are to fulfil your own romantic fantasies!
• A great proposal is enjoyable. Men in particular can get emotionally overwhelmed - so avoid situations where he might feel vulnerable. Proposing during half time on the pitch at Highbury is probably not a good idea!

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