We need to talk

It's a ploy, of course, to make you shut up and leave him alone. It unnerves him, to hear you yell the words 'selfish!' and - worst of all - 'We need to talk.' It's a phrase rarely used by men. And so this argument is getting nowhere. Relationship experts agree that men and women cannot argue effectively; that to achieve anything, you should never go on the attack (as in, 'You never help with the children') as he will simply go on the defensive ('Yes I do! I read them a story in, er, January.').

Instead, we should adopt a serene voice and say how we feel. Say, 'Darling, I am finding it rather difficult entertaining the children for the entire weekend. Perhaps we can reach some sort of compromise and you could get off your lazy backside and play with them or are you so pathetic you can't manage even that?'

Oops. Sorry. I lost it for a moment. But I'm all steamed up now and, really, what I need a whopping good row.

Where the hell is he?

Do men and women speak different languages? What do you think?