Do you know what you are saying when you say,
'I do?'
It is easy to say 'I do' when love is fresh and exciting. But when the confetti has been swept away, the wedding dress embalmed and your friends suddenly stop calling because they don't want to interfere, you are left alone to grapple with the enormity of becoming a couple.
Love cushions, but cannot control, the inevitable moment when reality rushes in. Sam was on honeymoon in Southern India. Two sleepless nights, hundreds of mosquito bites and a long car journey had driven away her sense of humour, along with any notions she might have held of her husband becoming Harrison Ford in the jungle. They were barely on speaking terms when she turned to him and said, 'you realise we are stuck with each other for the rest of our lives'. When he admitted he was thinking the same thing, grouchiness gave way to giggles and the moment was rescued, but marriage is a daunting task, a lottery of life with no guarantees and no one handing out instructions.
Getting married is different from dating or living together because it is a legal contract involving a life-long commitment, depending upon a self-knowledge and confidence that few of us feel we have. Even for people who have known each other for years can find it hard because suddenly the rules have changed. If you don't like it, you can't just slam the door and walk out because the only door key you hold belongs to the door behind you.
Whether they occur five hours, weeks or months after marriage, arguments are inevitable. Suddenly things that didn't matter, matter, because you are cementing paving stones for the future. What you agree now will be relevant in ten or twenty years' time. Everything has to be sorted out. Silly things like which side of the bed, where to leave the post, who does the washing up, whose parents to visit at Christmas and how often you go out with his awful but cherished mates. Are you prepared to be a traditional wife cooking a meal every night and washing up afterwards? Or do you expect him to muck in as well?
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