To love, honour and rename

Part of the problem is men who feel challenged when their wife rejects their name. At lunch the other day I sat between a couple who married in their thirties. When the wife revealed that her career wasn't the only reason she retained her surname, her husband became confused. 'No,' she said. 'There is something else. It is who I am.'

Many women opt for an after-six-o'clock compromise. Fashion designer Selina Blow married to GP Charles Levinson, uses her maiden name at work but becomes Mrs Levinson in the evening. 'I don't need a name to prove myself. I didn't change on my wedding day and I don't need to walk down a street burning my bra to prove I am a strong character. Besides, I am very proud of my husband's name.' In the evening Lisa Webster is Mrs Wade but it took the 31-year-old corporate lawyer a year to change her passport. 'It was the last thing I had to do and it was sad, in a way, saying goodbye to being single. It made me feel older, like I'm on my way to my 40s.'

Of course, no woman is going to vanish into a void of wifeliness, where everything done before marriage is forgotten, obliterated by a signature. But in a time of transition, people can be slightly sensitive. Personally, I look forward to the day when everybody is addressed individually and invitations are issued to a couple with both their names at the top. It's a woman's assertion of her individuality.

Did you change your name? What's in a name? Tell us what you think.