A dose of married life

Am deciding on a suitable venue when he arrives home from work and switches on the TV - football, which I scathingly refer to as The Green Rectangle. We have turned into the couple who stare blankly at the screen, lying on separate sofas. Point this out to Jack who observes that it's far comfier to splay out on your own personal sofa, rather than squashing up together with someone's elbow in your stomach.

I gaze bleakly at The Green Rectangle. We never used to watch so much television because, I remind him, we had better things to do - like removing each other's clothing. A goal is scored and he shushes me. Silently, I cancel the hotel idea. Feel proud of myself for thinking up a treat for him, then withdrawing it, all without his knowledge.

Wednesday 14th February
Valentine's Day. Am touched to open a card 'drawn' on our PC. Am also impressed that he managed to persuade the boys to sit still for long enough to colour the hearts pink, lilac and - less attractively - a kind of snot/bile green. Wonder if he used some kind of restraining device.

Spend day fizzing with anticipation about our mystery night out tonight. Jack drives us to Leeds, parks the car, then turns to me and says, 'Didn't you book anything?' I laugh, waiting for him to say, 'Good joke, huh? Now let me take you to an intimate little eatery where we shall feed each other oysters.'

Troop through rain and discover that all intimate eateries are fully booked. Eventually find ourselves gazing at bathroom suites through a shop window and discussing whether we need a new toilet. Head home feeling deflated until Jack stops the car. Assume that we have run out of petrol or that Jack has forgotten the way home. Then discover that he has stopped for the sole purpose of kissing me. Properly. Haven't encountered Jack's tongue since the arrival of our children and feel thrilled enough to demand that he drives home immediately, paying no heed to speed restrictions.