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Whatever you want, dear

by Anna McNamee
continued from page 3
9:10 pm
We've just finished dinner. I cooked, so my partner is doing the washing up. This is a non-rigid but tacit agreement in our relationship. 'Don't be rigid,' says Laura. I'm reading the newspaper when the phone rings. 'If you're surrendering how come he's doing the dishes?' my friend asks. Don't be silly, I reply. Laura says a surrendered wife isn't about returning to the 1950s.

'It's about restoring intimacy to our relationship by respecting his thinking, expressing gratitude, telling him what I want but never, ever, telling him what to do.' Which means I can't tell him not to do the dishes.

My good guy is now stacking the plates precariously on to the dishrack. I go back to my newspaper, knowing that by offering to help I would be implying that he is incapable of doing the job on his own. Laura says, 'I must trust him and hence anticipate the best outcome.'

Post-washing-up intimacy is ruined when a few minutes later a cup falls off the pile. My good guy is feeling tetchy and, if I didn't know better, I would say is annoyed that I didn't offer to help, but Laura did promise that if I followed her rules I would have more time for myself.

Anna's made it through Saturday, but how will her surrendering fare on Sunday? Read part two to find out



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