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The seven secrets of a successful marriage
continued from page 1
Secret 3: Successful Married Couples keep each other centre stage
It's tempting, once married, to forget the little courtesies. When you were going out - and still trying - you remembered the little things, such as serving each other first, and remembered the big things like respectfully listening to each other.
Marriage can cause a sea of change and often you stop being courteous to each other, stop seeing each other as important and instead start putting other things - like work, hobbies or the children - first.
Successful couples always keep each other centre stage. They are interested in their partner's opinions. They take their partner seriously. They refer to their spouse in glowing terms when talking to other people. In short, they never take each other for granted and remember how lucky they are to be married.
Secret 4: Successful Married Couples learn to resolve conflicts
American psychologist John Gottman did a 20-year study of married couples and concluded that the main element that separated success from failure was whether they could resolve conflicts or not.
The bottom line is that unless the two of you are clones or doormats, there'll be times when you disagree and times when these disagreements cause pain. Sure, you shouldn't put up with addiction, violence or abuse. But if your partner simply wants something different from you or does something differently from you, you must resolve that.
Successful couples keep communicating, whatever the bad feeling between them. They negotiate differences and disagreements so that they both end up getting a fair deal. They smile and support each other rather than nag and whinge. They accept that sometimes, loving is more important than winning.
Secret 3: Successful Married Couples keep each other centre stage
It's tempting, once married, to forget the little courtesies. When you were going out - and still trying - you remembered the little things, such as serving each other first, and remembered the big things like respectfully listening to each other.
Marriage can cause a sea of change and often you stop being courteous to each other, stop seeing each other as important and instead start putting other things - like work, hobbies or the children - first.
Successful couples always keep each other centre stage. They are interested in their partner's opinions. They take their partner seriously. They refer to their spouse in glowing terms when talking to other people. In short, they never take each other for granted and remember how lucky they are to be married.
Secret 4: Successful Married Couples learn to resolve conflicts
American psychologist John Gottman did a 20-year study of married couples and concluded that the main element that separated success from failure was whether they could resolve conflicts or not.
The bottom line is that unless the two of you are clones or doormats, there'll be times when you disagree and times when these disagreements cause pain. Sure, you shouldn't put up with addiction, violence or abuse. But if your partner simply wants something different from you or does something differently from you, you must resolve that.
Successful couples keep communicating, whatever the bad feeling between them. They negotiate differences and disagreements so that they both end up getting a fair deal. They smile and support each other rather than nag and whinge. They accept that sometimes, loving is more important than winning.
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