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The seven secrets of a successful marriage
continued from page 2
Secret 5: Successful Married Couples keep the lust alive
On your wedding night, you may rip each other's knickers off - but to be honest, in the years that follow, desire's going to dip. Plus, nowadays, marriage often coincides with the ultimate passion killer, the birth of your first baby.
Successful couples know that to keep lust alive, you need to actively prioritise lovemaking and make time and taking space for it. You need to make sure you're constantly updating your knowledge of each other's sexual needs, finding new ways to please each other.
Successful couples stay affectionate. If there's a sexual drought, they ride it out by flirting, touching, hugging, kissing and being romantic.
Secret 6: Successful Married Couples grow with each other
The bottom line is that the person you marry won't be the person you're still married to in ten years' time. You'll both change - particularly at crunch points in your lives such as starting a family, losing a parent or facing the empty nest.
Successful couples know that one or both partners will shift in personality at these times. It can feel as if the rules have changed; what it means is that you need to change in order to keep up with the changing relationship.
Successful couples anticipate shifts and ride with them. Rather than demanding they both stay the same forever, they welcome the natural developments of personality and partnership that happen with time.
Secret 7: Successful Married Couples keep working at it
The fact that you're married can make you rest on your laurels - as the years pass, you may feel that nothing can harm your bond.
But beware! Time and a false sense of security can erode even the strongest love. So successful couples take rain checks and keep having regular 'where are we at' conversations to make sure that they're both happy with the way things are going.
If one or both of you is discontented, then fix the problem. And don't fight shy of getting professional help. Successful couples don't wait until the divorce papers are signed before seeing a counsellor - they troubleshoot at the earliest possible moment.
Help for Successful Couples:
Contact Relate on 0845 1 30 40 10 for a list of local counsellors. Or try Relate Direct, a new telephone counselling service on 0845 1 30 40 16.
If We're So In Love, Why Aren't We Happy? by Susan Page (Piatkus)
Stop Arguing Start Talking by Susan Quilliam (Vermilion)
Why Marriages Succeed or Fail by John Gottman (Bloomsbury)
Secret 5: Successful Married Couples keep the lust alive
On your wedding night, you may rip each other's knickers off - but to be honest, in the years that follow, desire's going to dip. Plus, nowadays, marriage often coincides with the ultimate passion killer, the birth of your first baby.
Successful couples know that to keep lust alive, you need to actively prioritise lovemaking and make time and taking space for it. You need to make sure you're constantly updating your knowledge of each other's sexual needs, finding new ways to please each other.
Successful couples stay affectionate. If there's a sexual drought, they ride it out by flirting, touching, hugging, kissing and being romantic.
Secret 6: Successful Married Couples grow with each other
The bottom line is that the person you marry won't be the person you're still married to in ten years' time. You'll both change - particularly at crunch points in your lives such as starting a family, losing a parent or facing the empty nest.
Successful couples know that one or both partners will shift in personality at these times. It can feel as if the rules have changed; what it means is that you need to change in order to keep up with the changing relationship.
Successful couples anticipate shifts and ride with them. Rather than demanding they both stay the same forever, they welcome the natural developments of personality and partnership that happen with time.
Secret 7: Successful Married Couples keep working at it
The fact that you're married can make you rest on your laurels - as the years pass, you may feel that nothing can harm your bond.
But beware! Time and a false sense of security can erode even the strongest love. So successful couples take rain checks and keep having regular 'where are we at' conversations to make sure that they're both happy with the way things are going.
If one or both of you is discontented, then fix the problem. And don't fight shy of getting professional help. Successful couples don't wait until the divorce papers are signed before seeing a counsellor - they troubleshoot at the earliest possible moment.
Help for Successful Couples:
Why not chat to other iVillagers about marriage by posting a message on the Married Life message board. Take a look at some of the discussions happening LIVE on the board right now:
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