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Before you say 'I do'
You've set the date and the wedding plans are in full swing.
You've never felt happier, so why should you stop, think and question your relationship?
Too many couples head up the aisle before they've discussed their expectations of marriage. Couples often don't realise that they differ on many issues - their aims, hopes, fears and expectations. By discussing these during your engagement, you give yourselves time to align your ideas and attitudes. You can also spot any potential problems and start working on them together.
Issues to consider
I've listed a range of issues you should consider before you take the plunge. Think through each issue fully and take notes. Get your fiance to consider the questions too. Then swap notes.
You'll find some issues easy to discuss, but others will take a while to talk through. Be prepared for long conversations and some disagreement. This whole process may take weeks, but it will be worth it.
The point is not necessarily that you agree on everything - though if you seriously disagree, see the 'troubleshooting' note at the end of this feature. The point is that by talking things through, you not only get to understand each other better, but also align your expectations of marriage. You also get into practice for the key skills that will make your relationship successful - communicating and negotiating.
Too many couples head up the aisle before they've discussed their expectations of marriage. Couples often don't realise that they differ on many issues - their aims, hopes, fears and expectations. By discussing these during your engagement, you give yourselves time to align your ideas and attitudes. You can also spot any potential problems and start working on them together.
Issues to consider
I've listed a range of issues you should consider before you take the plunge. Think through each issue fully and take notes. Get your fiance to consider the questions too. Then swap notes.
You'll find some issues easy to discuss, but others will take a while to talk through. Be prepared for long conversations and some disagreement. This whole process may take weeks, but it will be worth it.
The point is not necessarily that you agree on everything - though if you seriously disagree, see the 'troubleshooting' note at the end of this feature. The point is that by talking things through, you not only get to understand each other better, but also align your expectations of marriage. You also get into practice for the key skills that will make your relationship successful - communicating and negotiating.
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iVillage Ltd is a UK company registered in England & Wales (3837269) at 80-110 New Oxford Street, London WC1 1HB