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I resent my husband's smoking ban

by Sally Ann Lasson

question
I have recently stopped smoking because my husband hated it. Although I know this is a good thing for our children and us, I can't help feeling that he is taking away my choice in the matter. After two months I'm still finding it hard - I crave a cigarette, but don't dare, as he would go ballistic. He says this matters to him more than anything, as he says he doesn't want to lose me later on (through cancer, etc). Am I right to feel resentful towards him?

answer
I'm afraid you don't have a leg to stand on. Your husband has all the right on his side because there isn't a single argument in favour of smoking to be made. I have searched high and low and come up with precisely nothing. It's the little cancer sticks that are making you irritable, and it's the irritation that is making you resentful.

Actually, you are very lucky to live with someone who would go ballistic if you lit up. Anything at all that helps keep you on the straight and narrow is good. He hasn't taken away your choice in the matter, what he has done is reinforce everything that you already know. You agree with him because no smoker would ever stand up and say 'I hope I always smoke'. But it's awfully annoying when people are right, especially husbands. If it's any consolation, the craving diminishes over the years - two months is the absolute worst point, so the only way is up.

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