Advertisement
No sex since marriage
Dear Susan,
I have been married to my husband for eight months. Since we got married we've only had sex once and that was at the beginning. We became distant and blamed this on the stress of adapting to living together and the fights we had about money because I wasn't working. We are now getting along and I have a job, but our sex life hasn't changed. We are still not close to one another. We love each other and want things to change. Is there any advice you can give us please?
Annie
Hi Annie,
I once read a book called Is There Sex After Marriage? and that title alone should tell you that it's a really common problem. Things are fine up to the time you tie the knot, then you both get furious at each other. Most drops in sex drive due to relationship issues are down to anger.
You have to pinpoint the reasons for your anger. Marriage makes you feel trapped. It makes every little thing much more important because you feel stuck with it for life. It alters your expectations of each other and you don't feel you live up to them. Not surprisingly, you feel bad, you row, then you can't show affection because you don't feel it.
The only answer here is to cope with your anger. Don't try to suppress it, as it will only make things worse. Do acknowledge your anger, discuss it with each other and try to solve the causes of the anger. Consider exploring more deeply why you are so angry at each other, perhaps with the help of a counsellor.
I know all this sounds like bad news. The good news is that it's really clear what's causing your problem, and the solution - if not easy - is just as clear.
I once read a book called Is There Sex After Marriage? and that title alone should tell you that it's a really common problem. Things are fine up to the time you tie the knot, then you both get furious at each other. Most drops in sex drive due to relationship issues are down to anger.
You have to pinpoint the reasons for your anger. Marriage makes you feel trapped. It makes every little thing much more important because you feel stuck with it for life. It alters your expectations of each other and you don't feel you live up to them. Not surprisingly, you feel bad, you row, then you can't show affection because you don't feel it.
The only answer here is to cope with your anger. Don't try to suppress it, as it will only make things worse. Do acknowledge your anger, discuss it with each other and try to solve the causes of the anger. Consider exploring more deeply why you are so angry at each other, perhaps with the help of a counsellor.
I know all this sounds like bad news. The good news is that it's really clear what's causing your problem, and the solution - if not easy - is just as clear.
Delicious
Digg
reddit
Facebook
StumbleUpon
iVillage Features
Message Boards
Pregnancy & Baby |
Parenting |
Health |
Diet & Fitness |
Beauty & Fashion|
Relationships |
Home & Garden |
Food & Drink |
Work & Career |
Entertainment
Horoscopes| Message Boards | Quizzes | Newsletters | Join
Horoscopes| Message Boards | Quizzes | Newsletters | Join
© iVillage Limited 2000-2008. All rights reserved. | © iVillage inc. 1995-2008. All rights reserved.
iVillage Ltd is a UK company registered in England & Wales (3837269) at 80-110 New Oxford Street, London WC1 1HB
iVillage Ltd is a UK company registered in England & Wales (3837269) at 80-110 New Oxford Street, London WC1 1HB