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Housework hell: my husband never helps

I'm unclear from your letter whether your husband is willing to help round the house but just can't do it - or whether he's unwilling and just won't do it. If it's the former, then I suggest you do exactly what your husband has asked you. Teach him, specifically and in detail, what you want of him. If he can't 'see' that stuff needs to be done around the house, then he needs training, as any new worker would, into noticing these things. So be gentle and patient with him, help him by sitting down and making lists of what to do. And above all - this may be hard - tell him how well he's done when he succeeds. No one, including you, would want to work if you never got congratulated or if every time you did something you were told it wasn't good enough.If it's the latter, if your husband is unwilling to help and won't help, then your strategy has to be different. I'd point out to him that you work just as he does, therefore he should do housework just as you do. Then say that until he does, you are not going to look after him but just do for yourself and for the kids. Then stick to your guns - over days, weeks, months if necessary, until he gets the point that it takes two people to hold a family together.

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