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Are you ready for sex?
continued from page 3
Building on the first time
So you've started your sex life together? How can you make sure that it gets better and better after the first time?
The first step is to talk about it. The more you can discuss what turns you on, the more you play and experiment, the more likely it will get seriously good very quickly. So make a point after every lovemaking session, of asking each other what was really good - and doing that more. Plus, add in something new every time, just as an experiment - the books in our resource list will give you lots of ideas.
Second, don't do anything in bed you don't want to. As time goes by, if you feel at ease with each other, you can go on to include mutual masturbation (masturbation in front of each other) and oral sex. But these aren't things you may want to do right away - they may not even be things you want to do at all. If you're wary, tell your partner you're unsure and together experiment in ways that feel comfortable to you. If you really don't like something, say a clear no and don't be pressured into it - going ahead will only rebound on your sex life because you'll feel uneasy and resentful.
Finally, build not just on the sex, but also on your feelings for each other. Because - and I know I'm going to sound like your mother here - having sex with someone does create a lot of emotion. You may start to feel very close, vulnerable and dependent. And if you can use these feelings to build your relationship, get closer and show each other affection, then you'll be able to start to trust each other and let go more and more in bed.
ResourcesHow to be a Great Lover by Lou Paget (Piatkus, £6.99)
Guide to Getting it On by Paul Joaniddes (Vermilion, £14.99)
The Underground Guide to Teenage Sexuality by Michael J Basso (Fairview Press, £12.99)
The Barefoot Doctor's Handbook for Modern Lovers (Piatkus, £9.99)
Brook Advisory clinics for young people up to 25; helpline: 0800 0185 023; email: information@brookcentres.org.ukIf you do have sex without protection, see your GP or local branch of Brook Advisory within 72 hours for emergency contraception or ring the Contraceptive Education Service helpline on 020 7837 4044.
Building on the first time
So you've started your sex life together? How can you make sure that it gets better and better after the first time?
The first step is to talk about it. The more you can discuss what turns you on, the more you play and experiment, the more likely it will get seriously good very quickly. So make a point after every lovemaking session, of asking each other what was really good - and doing that more. Plus, add in something new every time, just as an experiment - the books in our resource list will give you lots of ideas.
Second, don't do anything in bed you don't want to. As time goes by, if you feel at ease with each other, you can go on to include mutual masturbation (masturbation in front of each other) and oral sex. But these aren't things you may want to do right away - they may not even be things you want to do at all. If you're wary, tell your partner you're unsure and together experiment in ways that feel comfortable to you. If you really don't like something, say a clear no and don't be pressured into it - going ahead will only rebound on your sex life because you'll feel uneasy and resentful.
Finally, build not just on the sex, but also on your feelings for each other. Because - and I know I'm going to sound like your mother here - having sex with someone does create a lot of emotion. You may start to feel very close, vulnerable and dependent. And if you can use these feelings to build your relationship, get closer and show each other affection, then you'll be able to start to trust each other and let go more and more in bed.
Resources
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