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Will my boyfriend be able to tell I'm a virgin?
Dear Dr Patti
I am a 27-year-old virgin. I have been dating my boyfriend for six months now and we will probably have sex soon. Should I tell him about my lack of experience? If I don't, will he find out anyway?
R
My experience in working with a variety of clients tells me that in an intimate relationship one partner always ‘knows’ what the other is holding back. My gut instinct says that he knows without your having said a word.
I always advocate honesty and open communication being the best sexual lubricants for lovers. Tell him that you have something important to talk about with him. Ask him whether he's a virgin before you leap into the truth tank and spill the beans about your own lack of sexual experience. Often a woman is surprised to learn that her potential new lover is also a virgin. That can be just the type of bonding that builds lasting relationships. If not, he can be your guide into his world of sexual love.
As for your base of knowledge, find out all you can before you decide to break the barrier into sexual adulthood. At your age you are ready to view, read and explore the realm of sexually explicit materials. These may offer you a handy reference point for what to expect so that you approach your new lifestyle with ease, confidence and preparedness. Of course, use a reliable form of birth control and protection against STDs. Even though women of the '90s have usually lost their hymen from athletic or sporting activities, first sex can cause vaginal bleeding, may not feel as good as it will when you gain experience and may cause an eruption of feelings — good and bad, old and new, fresh and wrinkled.
Remember it’s your body and never let yourself feel pressurised into sex.
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