Rather go solo

by Dr Patti Britton

Dear Dr Patti
Whenever I masturbate everything feels wonderful, but when I have sex I don't feel anything. What's wrong?
J

answer

Dear J
This requires looking at what other problems you may have with regard to shared sex. I suggest that you ask yourself whether or not you want to have sex with your partner. Is this only happening with him or with other partners too? You may be suppressing your own desire to share sexual touch with a lover for some reason. Is there something in your past, relating to sex, that troubled or hurt you, which could 'freeze' your sensations?

On a physical level, make sure you are not so physically tense that you block the flow of energy inside your body. When I work with female clients, I often teach them how to breathe properly. Here's what to do:

Lie down, try to put your daily hassles out of your mind and imagine your breath coming up from the bottom of your spine. Let it rise up your spine to the top of your head. Slowly hold your breath for about four seconds, then let your breath descend down the front of your body, letting it gently 'caress' your genital area. Imagine your breath like an egg around you - a watery covering over your whole body or a cocoon of white or golden light. This is a healing, relaxing and deeply grounding breath. Often, by opening up the channel using this type of breathing technique, women feel a sexual reawakening.

Best of luck to you. I hope you find your way on this healing journey.

ivillage uk

Rather go solo