Learning to love your anatomy

Dear M
You have hit the jackpot! In fact, there is a wonderful book of photography called Femalia, which transcends all other picture books by showing female genitalia. I often use it with both my male and female clients when teaching them about the female body. Not only does it have beautiful photos of the genitalia of about 20 women, but also the quality and positive intention of the book put it in a class of its own. The women in this book let themselves be photographed to celebrate female sexuality and the photographers are people with care, pride and a loving regard for this project.

Here's something that you can do to overcome your negative self-image about this very private part of your body: Start to embrace the idea that this is you. I suggest that you take time to explore yourself in front of a mirror. While alone, sit down and get comfortable in front of a hand-held or standing mirror. Now, beginning at the top, examine first the two layers of outer lips, then the clitoral area, especially your little jewel after she is aroused, then the folds and wetness that it contains, the urinary opening, the vaginal entry and the perineum - the space between the vagina and the anus - and finally the anal opening. This is all yours. You came into the world with it and will leave, hopefully intact, this same way.

Take whatever time is necessary and allow whatever feelings emerge. See yourself step by step, fold by fold, and tell yourself that you are beautiful just the way you are, inside and out, all over. That way you will be redesigning the negative self-criticism that has you loathing your own body. If that's not enough, get the videos by Betty Dodson; check out her website. This is your moment to reclaim the woman who is you.