Kim Cattrall's satisfying sex secrets

In my early thirties, I lamented to a girlfriend that many of the men I had been with seemed unaware of what could lead to sexual fulfillment for both of us. She cited the Rita Hayworth scenario, suggesting that perhaps my problems were due to men feeling that they were being intimate with an image they had seen on the screen and that when the real person appeared they were either disappointed or overwhelmed. Consequently, I was disappointed and unsatisfied, too. I talked with friends, read books written by sex therapists, and sought professional help. I stood naked in front of the mirror learning to get in touch with my body. I studied diagrams that never fully explained where and how I could achieve orgasm with my partner. I turned forty. I'd gone through two decades of unsatisfactory sexual relationships.

I had convinced myself that I just wasn't a sexual woman, and like my mother before me, I began to feel that sex really wasn't that important. To me, sex meant being physically dominated by a man and experiencing some pleasure through the act of penetration in intercourse, but never reaching orgasm with my partners. So, I resolved to put all my energy into my work and my family, and joined my single girlfriends in their common complaint of not being able to find any good men.

Then, in January of 1998, I met my husband, Mark. Since then, I have learned many things about communication, sexuality, and honesty. I've also realized that one of the biggest limitations in sexual life is that many men don't know how to enable a woman to reach orgasm, and many women are not informed or confident enough to tell men what they need to do. I've discovered that the whole subject is essentially taboo. No one wants to admit that millions of women have unsatisfactory sex lives and that most men do not know what to do about it.

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