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Aversion to oral sex
Dear Dr Patti
Please tell me I'm not the only woman who feels this way. I have been married to my only sexual partner for a year and I have never performed oral sex. My husband keeps asking, but the thought of putting his penis in my mouth turns my stomach. I have no problems touching or kissing it, but I can't put my mouth or tongue on it. I even tried putting a penis-shaped dummy in my mouth at a party once and nearly gagged. To even think about oral sex makes my physically ill. Is this normal?
G
Normal is a word that I'd like to chuck into the bin. What's normal for you and your relationship is what matters. Typically, many women perform oral sex on their partners and enjoy it.
I would like to encourage you to look at a number of issues you raise, starting with the fact that this is your first sexual partner. For some women, and men, the thought of oral sex is nauseating at first. But most, after gaining some knowledge and experience in relation to sharing this form of sexual pleasure, integrate oral sex into their usual routine.
Often cultural, religious or family values teach that touching or tasting the body ‘down there’ is wrong, shameful, dirty or bad. It's not. Knowing that this can be a harmless and even bonding tie with the one you love may help you to overcome the negativity you feel. If you decide you do not want to perform oral sex, talk this over openly with your husband. Part of marriage includes open, honest communication about what you can and cannot expect from each other in bed.
To learn more about oral sex and pleasing your partner, see more of Dr Patti's columns:
30 Days of Great Sex workshop
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