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Equal time for oral sex
Dear Dr Patti
For the past three years of my six-and-a-half-year marriage, my sex life has stunk. My husband always wants oral sex to get him in the mood. I don't mind using oral sex as foreplay, but not when it's every single time - it gets boring, and it's not equal. He wants oral sex every time we have sex, while I get it only twice a year. When I mention this to him, he replies, 'Oh, you don't do it every time.' How can I get my husband to listen to me about this subject?
X
Sit him down for a heart-to-heart about the reality of your sex life. You might keep a daily diary for a couple of weeks of what is taking place between you sexually, especially the activity of fellatio. Perhaps if you show him the 'facts' he may begin to listen.
Many men enjoy oral sex as a major precursor to sex. But unless this is something that you also enjoy, his insistence borders on sexual pressure and may result in your losing sexual interest altogether. That's a risk to avoid. Try to find a way to tell him that, without it sounding like a threat. Use a caring, sensitive and warm approach in sharing your desires and concerns with him.
I would encourage the two of you to consider using oral sex as a foundation for mutual pleasuring. You might even make it playful and fun, posting a chart in your bedroom to allow each other equal time. Make it sexy and fun. Give extra points for extra time or spontaneous acts. Offer innovative rewards, such as an extra blow job before that important meeting, so he feels that you are both winners and that this is an amazing part of your sexual relationship.
If all that fails, your refusal to do the business could do the trick. It's your choice what you decide to do sexually with him or any other partner.
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