A new survey by DatingDirect.com, reveals 84 per cent of single Brits struggle to find a date
A sprinkling of Latte Creations makes an everyday coffee break extra special
Win a delicious wine cellar and VIP weekend to Hard Rock Calling at Hyde Park
Can you have an orgasm and not know it?
Dear Dr Patti
I was wondering if there was such a thing as a ‘missed orgasm’: when you physically have an orgasm, but it doesn't register with your brain that you had one. During intercourse I rarely feel like I have had an orgasm, but sometimes, afterwards, I have a throbbing sensation that makes me think I did. What could it possibly mean?
L
I love the interesting way you put your question. Not much has been written on this notion of a ‘missed orgasm’. Many of the female clients I work with report that they experience some of the symptoms you describe, most of which indicate an incomplete orgasmic release, not a mental glitch. Although several body systems are involved in producing an orgasm, the way you describe your sensations leads me to think that you are getting stuck in a phase of sexual response that actually precedes orgasm.
The five phases are: desire, the onset of arousal; excitement, the aroused state that is accompanied by reactions such as changes in heart rate, skin colour and blood rushing to the genital region; plateau, that state of heightened excitement and level of sexual tension, where many women stay; orgasm, the climax; and resolution, when your body returns to its natural state.
You are probably not getting enough direct or indirect clitoral stimulation to produce a vaginal orgasm. I suggest you do the following: concentrate on relaxing before you start being sexual. Breathe into the experience, allowing your mind to follow the rhythm of breathing — do not think about having an orgasm. Move your pelvis during sexual intercourse, to permit opening up of the flow of both energy and blood circulation. Keep your focus on the present moment and the pleasant sensations you are feeling. These steps will help you keep in the present.
Also, I highly recommend you use a vibrator that you can apply to the clitoral area to enhance stimulation. Finally, ask yourself what might be missing in the experience of sex for you. Make sure that your mind, body, heart and spirit are engaged in the process and that the person on the other side of the bed is who and what matters for your sexual pleasure to work. Get Betty Dodson's Sex for One for an inside view on the orgasmic experience.
Delicious
Digg
reddit
Facebook
StumbleUpon
Horoscopes| Message Boards | Quizzes | Newsletters | Join
iVillage Ltd is a UK company registered in England & Wales (3837269) at 80-110 New Oxford Street, London WC1 1HB
