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  |  Sex  |  Orgasms  |  What's an orgasm?
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What's an orgasm?

by Dr Patti Britton

question
Dear Dr Patti
Could you tell me exactly what an orgasm is? I have been married for 30 years and have had one experience where there were shooting stars, fireworks and so on. This hasn't happened since. Sex is pleasurable, but I would like to have this response again. It's not from lack of trying by my husband. He goes beyond the call of duty. What can I do to feel this wonderful sensation again?
B

answer
Dear B
I sense that you are longing for a 'once was' and you are now stuck on this expectation. You must allow an orgasm, not force it. Orgasm is the release of the built-up tension, energy and engorgement of blood that occurs after sex has begun. Sex researchers have found four phases of sexual reaction: first comes the arousal or rising sexual excitement stage; then the plateau or that heightened state in which some women and men get stuck; then orgasm; and finally the relaxation phase. Dr Helen Singer Kaplan identified a fifth element - desire - as an early phase that acts as the warm-up for the fireworks you described.

For most people these earth-shattering feelings are rare occurrences. With proper guidance and plenty of sex talk, you may get there again. To enhance your orgasmic ability, make sure you're relaxed, rested and able to concentrate on the moment. Make sure there are no distractions. Turn off mobile phones and try and put aside the stresses and strains of daily life. Start by concentrating on your breathing and take long, deep breaths to set the mood. Follow that with a long, slow build-up of gentle caressing and passionate and soft kissing. Sex is a journey and not a goal-driven game.

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