20 tips to transform your sex life

1. If you rush sex because you don't have much time, break the habit by ... going to bed earlier, putting on a CD and play around without going for penetration until at least four tracks have played.

2. If you're in a rut in bed because you do the same things again and again, break the habit by investing in what the Japanese call a pillow book - like New Joy of Sex(Quartet Books, £5.99) - and choose one new thing to try every week.

3. If you've got selfish because you get more pleasure from receiving than giving, then break the habit by alternating sessions where only one of you calls the shots. First time you say exactly what you want, next time he does.

4. If you feel you're not intimate because sex has become a routine, break the habit by reintroducing communication. Try a whole session keeping eyes open and eye contact, try murmuring words to each other.

5. If you've lost the romance because your life's so busy, break the habit by taking one long day in bed every month, packing the kids off to a relative or friend's house and cracking open the bottle of champagne.

1. If he regularly can't get it up - because of illness, medication or drinking - then contact the National Impotence Association helpline on 020 8767 7791.

2. If you can't bear penetration - maybe because you've had a bad experience in the past - then contact the British Association for Sexual and Relationship Therapy. or Relate for a list of counsellors in your area.

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