Anal sex: a delicate decision

• Never coax or pressure a partner into having anal sex. Respect his or her wishes.

• Go slowly and be gentle. Start out with some stress-free sex play. The more aroused you both are, the more enjoyable the experience will be. Stimulation of the clitoris is a must for anal sex, otherwise entry can feel a bit 'cold.'

• The penetrator must reassure his partner that she is in charge. The giver may feel that he or she will hurt the receiving partner and needs to be reassured as the action proceeds that it feels good - so communicate.

• Relax. Deep breathing helps. Don't tense the buttocks. This will make entry painful.

• Don't be shy; tell your partner what you want.

• Once you're relaxed, put some lube in your anus and find a position that's comfortable. All the positions for vaginal sex are suitable for anal penetration. You can be on your back with your legs in the air or on the insertive partner's shoulders, on all fours (this requires less bending of the rectum), or you can sit on top of your partner, which gives you more control.

• Take it easy and avoid sudden jerky movements, until you get used to it.

• When withdrawing make sure your partner holds onto the base of the condom to prevent it slipping off.

• If you feel a desperate urge to go to the loo - start running. It's normal.

Anal myths

• Regular anal sex does not mean you will eventually lose control of your anal muscles and your dignity. The perineal muscles support the area between the anus and the genitals and include the pubococcygeus muscles (PC muscles). These support the pelvis from the pubic bone to the tailbone. They contract for men and women during sex. Both sets of muscles work with the sphincter muscles around your anus and can be exercised.

• The muscles you contract to try to stop peeing are your PC muscles and can be contracted on a deep breath and relaxed on exhale. Do about 100 repetitions a day. Or, take a deep breath and this time tighten and release your muscles about ten times and then exhale. Twenty sets a daily.

A final word:
The golden rule is desire: only have anal sex if you really want to do it.

Anal sex - is it for you? Share your views at Let's Talk About Sex