When he says 'no' to sex
It's very common for women to blame themselves when a partner appears to lose interest in sex. You may feel that there's something wrong with your lovemaking technique or that he just doesn't fancy you any more. This is often not the case, usually there is something going on upstairs that's freezing activities downstairs, your job is to find out what that something is, and work together to sort it outIf your man denies you sex, it is not uncommon to be left worrying about whether he is having an affair or wants to end the relationship. The truth is that although you may experience these feelings and thoughts, it's unlikely that his loss of desire, or ability to maintain an erection, is caused by a loss of interest in you, your looks or your relationship.
Most men suffer from erection problems when they are stressed out, tired or under pressure to perform in some way. In fact, the problem is more likely to originate from a demanding boss or heavy workload, than from you.
Tiredness and overindulgence
If your partner has been working hard and trying to meet deadlines, the tiredness and worry can cause problems in focusing on lovemaking. Other causes of temporary erection loss can be overindulgence in alcohol, or a heavy meal.
When this happens, stimulation during love play will not cause or sustain an erection. This can explain the occasional loss of erection, which nearly all men suffer from at some time during their life.
If your man loses his erection during lovemaking, it is crucial to comfort him and avoid making accusations about his loss of interest in you, or imply an affair. This will only heap on the pressure and make things worse.
Sometimes a simple rest before attempting sex again is all that is needed, but if he still finds it difficult to achieve an erection, just offer a cuddle and plenty of reassurance that you care about him.
Discussing feelings
It is also important to explain your feelings about what has happened and to ask for his help in coping with the emotions you may be experiencing. Explain that you are worried it may be connected to your relationship and how he feels about you, and encourage him to open up about what's going on with him too.
Start by saying something like 'I know this probably sounds silly but...' continuing with your own concerns about his loss of desire. Encourage him to do the same with you, as he is just as likely to be as concerned as you are, if not more so. In this way, you can act as a team and solve the problem together, rather than both avoiding the issue through fear.
Is he unwell?
If your partner regularly suffers erection loss, he should be checked out by his GP. Erection difficulty can be an indicator of illnesses such as diabetes or heart disease. Avoid panicking your partner by telling him he may have a serious illness. Instead, suggest he has a general check-up to make sure that all is well.
He should inform the GP of all the symptoms of his erection loss and any other health problems he may have encountered. Often a course of tablets, prescribed by your GP, can restore an erection quickly.
If the doctor suggests he needs more tests or needs treatment for an illness, it is better to act fast, as many health problems left untreated can be harder to remedy at a later stage . If you delay because you believe his inability to get an erection is down to a problem he has with finding you attractive, you may never find the solution you crave.
Watch out for a gradual loss of erections over an extended period, as this is more likely to be an indicator of illness. A rapid loss of erection (for example, on just one occasion) is more likely to be linked to emotional concerns. But a visit to your GP can put your mind at rest on both these counts.
Money worries
If you are experiencing problems in your relationship - frequent arguments, problems with children, money worries or other sexual difficulties - it is possible that your partner's erection loss could be connected to these.
Emotional problems can lead to erection difficulties because trust or an intimate sense of connection to a partner is compromised. After all, it is hard to feel turned on if, for example, your debt level is worryingly high.
Taking action to resolve these issues can prevent erection difficulties where there is no physical cause. Talking to a debt adviser or a couples counsellor could help you both make sense of the pressures you are under in order to tackle the problem. Once you take the first step to deal with these issues, the chances are that the erection problem will fade away.
Your self-esteem
Lastly, if you are worried about whether your partner still finds you attractive, try improving your own sense of self-esteem. Eat healthily, exercise regularly at something you enjoy, and make time to relax.
If you feel good about yourself, your intimate life will also feel positive; whether you are coping with an erection problem caused by an illness or stress, or have no sexual problems at all.
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