From party frocks to invites and Christmas cocktails, we've got everything you need to throw a fabulous party
Porn: fantasy or filth?
Dear Dr Patti
I recently discovered a file of pornographic pictures in my partner's computer folder. Every picture is of a girl in dirty, disgusting positions. I deleted the file, but I'm still bothered by the discovery. We've been together, on and off, for seven years and now I can't help thinking he is a very sick person. What do you think?
N
There is a wise old saying, ‘One man's trash is another man's treasure’. What appears disgusting and dirty to you may be your partner's path to sexual pleasure. Although you say these are girls, I assume and hope that they are porn pictures of adult women. If, indeed, they are images of underage girls, then your partner is teetering on the edge of the law and you have more than your personal feelings about the images to contend with. You may not have to worry about his porn habit; instead, you may have to prepare yourself for prison visits.
I know that for many women who stumble upon sexy pictures of women on their loved one's computer (or elsewhere), this can be a shock. You may feel betrayed. It may even trigger reactions such as, ‘Am I not enough for him? Am I not pretty enough? Does he want to be with them instead of me?’ Let me assure you that throughout time men have been and always will be peeping at pictures of pretty women, clothed and naked. Even cavemen probably did this. And, typically, it has nothing to do with their feelings for the women in their lives. In fact, perhaps you violated him by peering at his stash of images, which he may have reserved for his most private moments, away from the real woman he likes or loves — who is you.
Porn pictures are fantasy. They exist and are viewed by men and women to provide a sexual stimulus to provoke arousal. Unless he is also logging on to porn sites for hours daily, spending all his money on ‘dirty downloads’ or has lost interest in having sex with you, then I say let him have his toys. And stay out of his files and his privacy. As it is, you're going to have some explaining to do about that deleted file.
Delicious
Digg
reddit
Facebook
StumbleUpon
Horoscopes| Message Boards | Quizzes | Newsletters | Join
iVillage Ltd is a UK company registered in England & Wales (3837269) at 80-110 New Oxford Street, London WC1 1HB
