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Is three a crowd?
Dear Dr Patti
After much discussion my husband and I agreed to invite my best friend to join us for a threesome. We have done it several times, but I am having trouble with my emotions, which swing from excitement to upset at the prospect. Do you know how I can make up my mind once and for all?
L
Your ambivalence over your ventures into the land of threesomes has you confused for good reason.
I think your husband wanted to expand his erotic horizons when he asked you to open your bed to another woman. Often this leads to the two women becoming intimate and developing a bisexual relationship.
It seems that you were game, but that this is not necessarily what nature intended for you. Sex is much, much more than just an exercise in the physical, as you have found out. It involves the whole person in mind, body and spirit.
You are confused, looking for answers that only your inner self can provide. What do you want from your marriage? What was missing in the first place that led you two to explore threesomes? How do you feel about your husband when you’re alone with him? What are your feelings for this other woman? What do she and your husband feel for you? What do you all say to each other? How much of your relationship is now oriented around the sexcapades and how much is about real intimacy and closeness? Where is this going?
The traditional paradigm that says marriage is about two people in love and caring for each other till death do they part, with all the trappings, is not for everyone. Alternative arrangements for real, lasting and lusty intimacy have abounded since time immemorial, and permanent relationships involving more than one man and one woman do exist. I think that if the three of you want a long-term relationship as a unit, that's great. If your heart is breaking because this is not giving you what you seek or want, then it's time to talk about it and make changes. If going back to being a traditional couple is the way you want it, then do something about it. If he refuses to budge, then you either put up with the way things currently are or find a way out.
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