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Ambivalent about anal sex
Dear Dr Patti
I am 25, have been married for two years and have no children. The other night my husband talked me into anal sex. Whereas he found it very satisfying, I found it very uncomfortable. I did it because I love him. Is this kind of sex normal? Should I enjoy this more or will it get better with time? Do all wives do this for their husbands?
J
Dear J
Your situation seems a bit different. If your husband insists on this type of sexual contact with you, it's time you two learned the facts. First, go slowly. This is a delicate anatomical part of the body, designed by nature for things to exit, not enter. Its lining is easily torn and susceptible to all sorts of infections and irritations. Slow penetration into the anal cavity is essential, unless you are already well dilated and lubricated. Lubrication is another key for success in ‘back-door’ sex. Using a natural, safe and water-based product (never one with a petroleum base) is your best bet. The tricky part of anal penetration is to get past the anal sphincter muscles, which are supposed to hold tight until it is time for the main job, evacuation. Once your husband's penis has passed that tight point, he can easily slide up and down and around inside you, probably producing intense pleasure if you are able to enjoy it. Probably the position of ‘doggy style’, or man from behind while you are kneeling, is the most effective option.
Your situation seems a bit different. If your husband insists on this type of sexual contact with you, it's time you two learned the facts. First, go slowly. This is a delicate anatomical part of the body, designed by nature for things to exit, not enter. Its lining is easily torn and susceptible to all sorts of infections and irritations. Slow penetration into the anal cavity is essential, unless you are already well dilated and lubricated. Lubrication is another key for success in ‘back-door’ sex. Using a natural, safe and water-based product (never one with a petroleum base) is your best bet. The tricky part of anal penetration is to get past the anal sphincter muscles, which are supposed to hold tight until it is time for the main job, evacuation. Once your husband's penis has passed that tight point, he can easily slide up and down and around inside you, probably producing intense pleasure if you are able to enjoy it. Probably the position of ‘doggy style’, or man from behind while you are kneeling, is the most effective option.
Believe it or not, the anus is indeed a part of the sexual anatomy. As research has shown, the anus contracts just as other sexual parts do during orgasmic release. It can be a source of tremendous pleasurable sensation, closeness and eroticism for a couple. The shift I recommend is to learn how to do it properly, go at your pace not his and allow yourself to be pleasured in this way. If that still feels unsafe, uncomfortable or somehow foreign and unpleasant, then you and your husband need to find other ways to achieve ecstasy in bed.
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