Three women... and a sex therapist

I had been to bed with a number of men, but always made excuses to avoid having intercourse - saying my period was due or that I just needed to wait before we went that far. We'd do other intimate things, but never go all the way, because I was terrified that it would hurt.

Unsurprisingly, the relationships never lasted very long, mainly because I always felt as if I wasn't good enough. I was convinced men only wanted vaginal penetration and I felt like a freak.

I'd always avoided internal examinations at the doctor's but when I was called in for a smear; I knew I'd have to have one. My doctor realised that the examination was very painful for me and asked me about it. She was so down-to-earth and nice that I finally felt I could talk about it.

She assured me I wasn't abnormal and that the problem could be solved. She suggested that I see a sex therapist, explaining that they weren't just for couples, but for anyone who wanted help for their sexual problems. I'd recently met someone new and didn't want this relationship to go the way of all the others, so I made an appointment.

In the end, it was so worthwhile. The therapist listened to me and was incredibly kind and understanding. She explained that experiencing pain during intercourse - and the fear of feeling pain - was actually quite common, I'd thought I was the only one!

We started on a treatment programme and discussed how I hadn't been emotionally ready for sex that first time. I'd tensed up and it wasn't surprising that it had hurt and led to my fear.

Now I feel so much more confident and relaxed about this new man. There really is no need to hide away and avoid relationships because you think your problem is weird or abnormal. Sex therapists have heard it all before!

Therapists report:

Louise and I spoke about her desire to have sex with her new partner and her anxiety about experiencing pain. She revealed that she had not used tampons or placed her finger inside her vagina.

I suggested that she had a bath and then examined and drew a picture of her genitals, in the comfort of her own home. I asked her to mark on the drawing where she experienced pain. She then used a lubricant and placed her finger just at the entrance of the vagina, explaining that it was like touching a solid wall of muscle that she was unable to penetrate further.

I explained that the muscles of the vagina can go into spasm; and that through a programme of relaxation exercises the treatment programme was very successful.

Vaginal dilators were purchased and, over a period of months, Louise used the relaxation exercise with the dilators and achieved her aim of being able to enjoy intercourse without pain.

Do you think your man is suffering from a sexual problem? Get informed. LoveLifeMatters contains useful advice and guidance about how women can help their partner if he is suffering from an erection problem. The site includes information and downloadable guides from a team of medical and relationship experts who will help guide you through the solution options. Visit lovelifematters.co.uk to get further information, and remember, 'It may be HIS erection problem but it's OUR lovelife'