Push the button: what every woman (and man) should know about the clitoris

Come together

Okay, there's no guarantee that you're going to come together, it's a pretty rare occurrence. But a few techniques will help increase your chances of coming with your partner.

1. Coital Alignment Technique (CAT)
   Lie in missionary position, then get your partner to shuffle upwards so that his pelvis is above yours and the base of his penis rubs against your clitoris during penetration. Now, the pair of you should simply rock back and forth rather than thrusting, with him lying flat on top of you.

   If he's particularly heavy, he should support some of his weight on his arms, without raising his pelvis. As orgasm approaches, keep rocking together rather than 'chasing' the orgasm. CAT has been shown to increase chances of orgasm for a woman by up to 70 per cent.

2. Bump and grind
   As a simpler version of the above, during missionary-style sex, circle your hips and grind your pelvis against your partner's, rather than relying on his thrusting alone. This will move your clitoral hood up and down, as well as giving direct pressure to the clit to intensify sensation.

3. Love yourself
   Rub your clit as your partner penetrates you.

4. Toy with me
   Use a small bullet vibrator on your clit during doggy style sex for easy extra thrills. Visit the iVillage sex shop to buy one.

5. Extended Sexual Orgasm (ESO)
   Anecdotally reported as helping make orgasm last up to 30 minutes, ESO takes a bit of work. Over a series of weeks first tone up your Kegel muscles by exercising them every day and get your man to do the same thing. Next, masturbate alone using your hands rather than a toy, trying to extend the amount of time before you climax each time (use lube to make things more comfortable).

   Then masturbate in front of your partner and get them to do the same for you so that you know exactly how he likes to be touched and vice versa. Pay particular attention to the way each other's body responds during arousal, so you can watch for these signals when you're touching each other.

   Meditate three to four times per day, clearing your mind of any distraction by focusing on your breathing and counting backwards from 20 to zero. Spend time caressing your partner, focusing on how touching them feels to you. What does their skin feel like under your fingertips; how does your energy flow from you to them? Ask them to tell you what feels good, and modify your technique to be as pleasurable as possible. Do this for a month or longer so you can hone your knowledge of each other's bodies.

   Only now are you ready to attempt the ESO. Lie back and relax while your partner smothers your genitals with lube and lightly teases you with his hands. As you get more aroused, he can use one or two fingers inside you while stimulating your clit with the other hand. Once your muscles start to contract, indicating you're about to come, he should switch to teasing only your vagina, and pressing your G-spot.

   When your muscles push out, he can move back to lightly stroking your clit. By alternating what he's doing, he can keep you at the plateau stage for a long time, until the point at which you're lost in sensation. Only at this point should your partner directly stimulate your clit, keeping fingers inside you at the same time. The longer he teases, the more intense the orgasm. Then it's your turn. Return the favour with long and lingering caresses and (if he's amenable) prostate stimulation. You'll both go to sleep with smiles on your faces.