Common sex myths

If you have to plan sex, and it isn't spontaneous, something's wrong

Heaven help your partner if you believe this one. Desire might well tap you on the shoulder in the early stages of a relationship, but the hormones that fuel the tapping disappear after about 18 months. But don't panic. It doesn't mean you'll never fancy each other again, it just means that you need to keep reminding your body and brain how much you enjoy sex. Spontaneous sex is usually good sex. But planning a sex session, anticipating it, looking forward to it, makes for pretty good sex as well.

Men are more promiscuous than women

This one is probably true, but by much less than you think. When polled about their sex lives, men overestimate while women underestimate, due to society pressures. It's also totally dependent on how attractive the people in question are. An attractive, sexually liberated woman is likely to have had more partners than a not-so-fab-looking guy around the same age, for instance.

If they had an affair, they don't love me

Wrong again. If your partner cheats, it doesn't necessarily mean he or she doesn't love you. It does, however, mean they don't respect you, if you'd agreed to be monogamous.

Women don't like porn or dirty sex

Take a look at all the emails I get from women asking where to buy good female erotica and you'll see how silly this myth is. And the reverse applies as well. Not all women want rose petals scattered across the bed and romantic massages, rather than raunchy, lusty, wicked romps. Every woman is different. Anyone who thinks men are only ones conjuring up lurid, graphic fantasies about other passengers on public transport is deluded.

Most women orgasm through intercourse

I'm not going to harp on about this one because anyone who's ever read any of my other articles practically has it written on their forehead in felt-tip marker pen that only 30 per cent of women orgasm from penetration alone. But it is worth repeating. Most women need stimulation of the clitoris by a hand or a vibrator during intercourse in order to climax. It's not anyone's fault that the penis isn't enough; it's a design fault in the female body. The clitoris is outside the vagina, rather than inside it. True, some women claim to have fabulous orgasms through front vaginal wall stimulation. But the good old-fashioned clitoral orgasm is far more common and reliable.

Men are always ready for and want sex

If you're talking a 17-year-old who's just landed his first girlfriend, you're probably right. It's likely he will walk, talk, day-dream and want to have sex every waking second (and when he's asleep as well). But once a man hits his mid-20s (and often before that), other parts of his life start to become equally as important as sex, and all that energy and focus is needed elsewhere. Real life dampens a lot of men's sex drives more efficiently than a bucket of water poured over a solitary lit match. Work, stress, pressure, bills, arguments; they all stop him (and you) from feeling like sex all day, every day. He's not like your vibrator; you can't just plug him in and expect him to perform on cue. There is a man attached to that penis.