Advertisement
Topics
Hot stuff
Newsletters
Promotions
Being in the moment
Dear Dr Patti
At the beginning of my relationship, I became aroused just by hearing my man's voice or by seeing him. Now, even with foreplay, which luckily is important to him, it takes me ages to become aroused. It's weird that the things that used to do it for me don't any more. During sex, I am always thinking to myself, ‘What is happening here? Why can't I get aroused?’ I end up fantasising about other things that have nothing to do with the moment. What can I do?
N
Dear N
One way to address this issue is to face up to the fact that things change over time. Perhaps with this partner the former cooing of his voice is now like fingernails down the blackboard. Once the romance fades and the reality surfaces, the alluring aspects of a partner can become highly annoying distractions. Which is why it's important for a partner to be someone whom you enjoy as much over a cup of tea in the morning as in bed.
One way to address this issue is to face up to the fact that things change over time. Perhaps with this partner the former cooing of his voice is now like fingernails down the blackboard. Once the romance fades and the reality surfaces, the alluring aspects of a partner can become highly annoying distractions. Which is why it's important for a partner to be someone whom you enjoy as much over a cup of tea in the morning as in bed.
If it’s not your feelings, it could be your thoughts that are the problem. Instead of analysing the situation while it is happening, try to stop negative thoughts and then breathe deeply to bring your focus back to your body. The trick here is to not become a spectator. No one wants to be outside herself, anxiously looking on at her own sexual experiences. Stay in the present. Focus on your pleasure and your bodily sensations. Think about how his breath and flesh feel, how warm and comfortable the room is, how good the sheet feels against your skin. Replace any negative criticisms with pleasurable, in-the-moment thoughts.
Delicious
Digg
reddit
Facebook
StumbleUpon
iVillage Features
Message Boards
Pregnancy & Baby |
Parenting |
Health |
Diet & Fitness |
Beauty & Fashion|
Relationships |
Home & Garden |
Food & Drink |
Work & Career |
Entertainment
Horoscopes| Message Boards | Quizzes | Newsletters | Join
Horoscopes| Message Boards | Quizzes | Newsletters | Join
© iVillage Limited 2000-2008. All rights reserved. | © iVillage inc. 1995-2008. All rights reserved.
iVillage Ltd is a UK company registered in England & Wales (3837269) at 80-110 New Oxford Street, London WC1 1HB
iVillage Ltd is a UK company registered in England & Wales (3837269) at 80-110 New Oxford Street, London WC1 1HB