Relationships 

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Bothered by my husband's wild past

Dear R
The real issue is not his past but your idea of that period in his life and the possible impact it has made on his sexual tastes and expectations. Try to stop thinking about your husband's past and focus on his present, which is with you.

I imagine that you may feel pressurised to do things that are uncomfortable for you to consider. Perhaps he is telling you to be more like the others in his past. The truth is that was then and now it’s time to get on with the present.

I suggest that you get the facts, clearly and honestly, about what really happened. Then talk frankly to him about what his past means to you. If his former lovers were so memorable or had a great impact on his sexual experiences, then learn from those past indiscretions through his spilling the sordid beans. If, however, his past sexcapades upset your image of what sex should be, then tell him.

If he continues to bring up past women or memories, ask him to stop. Focus on being together, as a couple, now. Find some new fun — perhaps wild adventures to talk about as fantasy or create some new ones in the present. For example, you might want to find appropriate attire and play the role of a seductress. He might want to rent a pirate costume and rescue you from attackers. There are literally endless scenes that you two can explore. Your husband is your ally not your enemy. Work together to rekindle the spark between you. If his allusions to his past lovers persist and it pushes you away from sexual intimacy, then you will have to have another look at your reasons for staying with him.

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