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My husband and I haven't had sex for eight years
Dear Dr Patti
My husband and I have been married for 14 years and haven't had sex for the past eight. I know he isn't having an affair. I have tried to talk to him about this, but he remains silent. Other than that, we have an almost perfect marriage, but it's like living with my brother.
M
It's quite common for long-term couples to shift from feeling sexual towards each other to platonic. Sometimes it's difficult to see your significant other as an object of sexual desire once you have an intimate knowledge of his weaknesses and eccentricities. Physical ageing can also erode the sexual attraction.
However, eight years is a very long time to go without sex. You're long overdue for a conversation on this subject and I highly recommend seeing a sex therapist or marriage guidance counsellor.
Here are some possibilities: he may not be interested because his testosterone levels have diminished. He should consider visiting his GP or a Well man clinic for a check-up. He might want to try a natural testosterone supplement or a homeopathic sexual stimulant such as Vigore Forte. His male self-image may even be the essence of the problem. Encourage him to get back on track. It's a two-way street, so make sure that you are sending out positive messages about your sexual feelings for him. Also, make sure that you feel positive about your own body and sexual capabilities, and share that with him. Overall, find ways to be sexy and playful, and get back into simple body-to-body contact as a way to reconnect on the physical plane. Even a loving neck massage at night may recharge your engines and surprise you both.
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