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Sex takes too long
Dear Dr Patti
Is there anything I can do to orgasm more quickly? I need at least 45 minutes to an hour of constant, consistent clitoral stimulation before reaching orgasm. (This doesn't include other foreplay.) Because of this long time period, my partner rarely tries to give me an orgasm — not that I can really blame him. Even with a vibrator it takes this long. Is there anything I can do?
L
I often work with women who are unable or slow to release their orgasmic build-up and often there is an underlying theme. Ask yourself these questions: are you holding yourself back for a reason? Are you scared to be out of control? Are you worried about how you look? What might happen if you really let go? What occurs to me is that perhaps you are trying too hard.
Be sure that you are able to produce an orgasm without a partner before trying with one. That's the M-word. Yes, masturbation is the basis for all shared orgasmic activity. Once you know exactly how your own sexual pattern works, then you can guide a sexual partner to do what you need.
Now, I want you to put that vibrator away for a while. Sometimes women report that they use a hard, strong pulsating vibrator and then when a poor, humble human hand, tongue or other object tries to simulate that region, he's helpless to do match it. Maybe you have conditioned your clitoral region to expect a volcanic eruption when it really only needs a hiccup.
I suggest that you use a dildo or vibrating object inside your vagina when he is pleasuring you on the clitoris. Also, pushing against the G-spot or inside the anus can add intensified stimulation to get you going.
Ultimately, however, know that if you are trying to reach orgasm you are actually hindering it from occurring. And some women really need to take more time, not follow some prescription for how much time is enough — you may climax at 20 seconds, 20 minutes or two hours. You have your own pattern and let your man know that it's your responsibility to get you to that orgasmic bliss. So play at it as a team, take the pressure off both of you and start enjoying the essence of touching each other, sharing skin and breath and words, and fantasising about all the wonderful years of passionate sharing you two have ahead of you. Then let me know how you are.
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