Dear Dr Patti
I have been with my boyfriend for three years and we are thinking about marriage. He is wonderful in our daily lives and in bed. But when we are intimate, he constantly thinks about and reminds me of his penis size. He says he is very small but, though I agree, my needs are being met between the sheets. At first I was oblivious to his size in relation to other men, but because he has made it such a big deal he's giving me a complex. I love him. Help!
K

answer

Dear K
Believe it or not, this is the most common question that I get asked by men online. Here are the facts: the average penis is 16 centimetres (6.3 inches) in length and 12.3 centimetres (4.85 inches) in circumference. Get out the tape measure and get that matter out of the way. Then your real work begins. Most men feel a sense of inadequacy if their member stands too short when erect. It's your task to begin to soothe his anxieties about not being a satisfying size for you and it's his job to accept the size he is. Sit him down one night over a lovely meal and tell him the facts. Explain to him that his penis complex is giving you a complex about your relationship.

Most women I have treated admit that it's not the length of a penis that matters so much as its being a good fit inside you and his other skills as a lover. Women need direct and indirect clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm. According to some research, 25% of women can't achieve orgasm with just penis-in-vagina sex. So tell your guy that the penile stimulation part of your sexual experience is only a fraction of the action.

If his lack of sexual confidence continues to block both of your ability to enjoy sex together, then consider professional counselling. Once he relaxes about his size and feels confident about what he can do for you, the two of you can soar.

ivillage uk

Coping with men's insecurities