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Common mistakes in new relationships
By AskMen.com
Ever wonder what blokes talk about when we're not around? Here's our chance to find out. iVillage and AskMen.com have joined forces to reveal what's really on men's minds
The first year of a romantic relationship carries a lot of power. By the end of that year, the tenor of the relationship is established, as is his quality as a partner. She'll pretty much know if he's lazy, a pushover or uncaring in the long run. That's why in the first year, it's important for him to watch his behaviour around her. He shouldn't set her expectations too high, and he shouldn't try to fit her mould of the perfect boyfriend. This applies to the entire year, be it in the first, third or tenth month. Here are the ten biggest mistakes men make in that most critical year.
1. He tells her he loves her too soon and too often
These three little words demand a prodigious amount of frugality, lest they become meaningless. Yes, women long to hear it all the time, but its overuse will jade even the most demanding of romantics. He should save it for very rare occasions; make her beg for them. And only say them when he really, really means it.
2. He forgives all her mistakes too easily
She should be on her best behaviour during their first year together, so he shouldn't let her annoying habits slide. She will get used to them, or worse yet, make them even more grating. If not shaving her legs irks him, he should let her know. He should never tolerate annoying behaviour, such as screaming at him or making fun of him in public. If he sweeps it all under the carpet, it will blow up eventually.
3. He always initiates sex
A man should show initiative chiefly outside the bedroom. When it comes to sex, it should be an equal game. He shouldn't let the burden of starting sex fall entirely on him. He should instead coax her into bringing out her inner beast once in a while. She may even discover a roaring sensuality she never knew she had, and enrich their sex lives that much more.
4. He takes her for granted
In order to keep the glow of a relationship alive, seduction needs to be a lifelong effort. One of the biggest traps men fall into is getting too comfortable with a woman. He stops taking her out on dates. He no longer cares about their appearance. He stops being attentive, ignoring details about her and missing important things she may say in passing. If his woman is special to him, he should show it and always treat her like it's their first month together.
5. He avoids confrontation
Communication is often the key to solving problems, so if he avoids talking about them, they'll only get bigger. A small argument now is much better than a painful fight later. Avoiding confrontation also means agreeing with her dismissively but not sticking to his word. For instance, if she says, 'Don't fart around me,' and he says, 'Okay,' he has to mean it.
6. He doesn't come clean about his past
Whatever skeletons he's hiding, they'll come out sooner or later. He should tell her of any addictions he has had or still has, if he's been married, if he has an STD and so forth. Granted, this doesn't all need to be revealed at once.
7. He met friends and family early on
It's unavoidable: whenever he meets her friends or family, his every breath, move and word will be under close scrutiny. It's a mistake to get to know those close to her before he knows her well enough. He should establish a comfortable rapport with her first, and he'll be more at ease when he meets them. Just as important, he shouldn't let the friends and family influence his relationship. He should let them learn to like him in time.
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