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  |  Understanding Men  |  What he's thinking  |  Locking horns with my girlfriend's ex
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Locking horns with my girlfriend's ex

by Susan Quilliam

question
My girlfriend and I have been going out for nearly nine months. We have a very good relationship but I have a major problem with her ex-boyfriend. When she told him she liked me he called me a 'replacement'.

He finished with her and wouldn't tell her why. My girlfriend assures me that she doesn't like him anymore and I believe her. But I can't help thinking he still likes her.

Whenever I'm away from her he makes a comment about me restricting her actions. We were at a party recently and he invited her into the bathroom with him, she refused and told me about it. I was angry but she said he was only joking. He has asked her out several times, on her own, to go and get drunk and has also told us from time to time not to have sex, which really infuriates me, what am I supposed to think?

Am I just over reacting or do you think he still likes her?



answer

Yes, of course your girlfriend's ex still likes her - and because of that he probably dislikes you and is certainly jealous of you.

What's causing the problem here, however, is not this guy's actions and feelings. He is quite obviously a pain, but he's not coming between you and your girlfriend. What's causing the problem is not her behaviour either; she's over him, and it seems clear that she would never be unfaithful to you.

Ask yourself who you think it is making you feel bad. Whose thoughts are winding you up? Whose feelings are causing you pain? Yes, you're doing this one to yourself - and you can stop it any time you like.

How? Simply be secure, calm, in control. Know in your heart of hearts that this guy is no threat to you. Laugh at his jealousy and shrug off his pitiful attempts to stir things up. If possible, ignore him or avoid him.

Tough to hear, I know, but only you can sort this out. The good news is that once you do sort it, it sounds as if you have a very good relationship in the making.

Having trouble dealing with troublesome ex's' Why not chat to other iVillagers on the Talking About Relationships message board?

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