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Treat him mean, keep him keen?
'Treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen' - so the saying goes. But how mean is too mean? Here are some insiders' tips on being the perfect, sophisticated mean machine
1. Insecure + literal = hard work
Men can do a good job of hiding it, but at heart we're just like you - insecure. Trouble is, unlike you we're also useless at reading signals. We take everything literally. So if a girl blanks us, we genuinely believe she's not interested. Remember - 'female intuition' got its name for a reason. When you're trying to gauge where the 'literal line' is, draw your own line - then move about two steps back.
2. You're hard to get - he feels special
Our sense of insecurity means we're hard work - but it also means we're suckers for a bit of game playing. If a guy gets your attention too easily he'll assume you pay attention to everyone (even though you probably don't.) But make him work for it, and he'll feel special when (and if) he wins you over. You know you're attracted to his wit and intelligence - he doesn't. Laugh at his first joke, he'll think you laugh at anything and anyone. Laugh at his third, he'll know it's him.
3. The eyes have it
You're in a bar, you've noticed a guy - but has he noticed you? You can't sit there watching him like a hawk, because stary can be scary. So use your advantage: he's only got one pair of eyes, but you've got several in the shape of your friends'. Make eye contact three times (once or twice and he'll blame coincidence - more than three times is stalker territory), then get your friends to monitor him while you look away. If their reports are favourable, move into a position where he can approach you (ie get the next round.)
4. Number crunching
You've got chatting, you've laughed at enough (not too many) of his jokes, you're sure he's interested - the one thing you don't do now is give him your number - instead, you take his. You'll be in control from the start. Men are like dogs - let them take charge and you'll never have their respect, show them who's boss, and they'll let you tickle their tummies (for starters). How long should you leave it before you call? The characters in 'Swingers' had it pretty much right: 'industry standard is three days - we prefer four.' (Don't leave it a fortnight - he'll assume he's at the bottom of a long list.)
- Why you shouldn't call the next day
5. May the best man win?
So we've reached the first date. Just as men's oh-so-literal minds say 'she's blanking me, therefore she's not interested', they also say 'she's on a date with me, therefore she's going to sleep with me'. Time to remind him that the fat lady hasn't sung just yet. And what better way than referring to the competition? Let your date know about interest from another man (subtle hints, of course - nothing too concrete). He'll work all the harder - and feel reassured that you're a woman worth chasing.
6. The early flirt gets the worm
First date flirting is a must, otherwise he will think he's boring you. But keep your flirting levels higher towards the beginning of the evening so that you can then cool the emotional temperature gradually, and he won't be offended if you don't go back for 'coffee'. Don't carry on flirting outrageously until the last minute, then suddenly switch off and hail a cab - he'll think you're just playing with him.
- Are you an accidental flirt?
7. Partner patter
Maybe it's after the second date, maybe the third, fourth or fifth, but the day will finally come: the morning after your first night together. Assuming it wasn't a complete disaster, you'll be laughing, cuddling, showing each other old photos - and perhaps talking about previous partners. Don't be shy about telling a tale or two from your past - but don't reveal everything. Mystery should always be your sidekick. The day someone knows everything about you is the day they start to lose interest. 'Keep 'em keen' applies even when a relationship's started.
- Your sex stats; does he really need to know?
8. Friendly fire
When to 'do parents' is a big decision, but by and large it makes itself - you'll both know when the relationship's serious enough to meet each other's families. What no one pays enough attention to is when to introduce a new man to your friends. Don't do it the first day after sleeping with him - he'll feel like a new possession you think you've bagged. And men's egos are big enough that we enjoy the thought of you telling your friends about us. The smirk they give when you introduce us to them makes us feel ten feet tall (as long as we know they're smirking for the right reasons). Make your man wait at least week or so before you introduce him to your 'inner circle'.
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