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Relationship on the rocks

by Sally Ann Lasson

question
I have been seeing my boyfriend for seven months now. I am aware that he has quite a wild past and now still uses drugs frequently. Although he is never under the influence when I see him, I feel that this is putting a strain on our relationship. I am not against drugs for recreational use, but think that being stoned constantly is a different matter. Can our relationship carry on in this way?

answer
This is a perceptual problem. Your boyfriend is not actually stoned when he's with you, but you sense that there's a lot of that going on - and you don't like it. If you're not anti-drugs, why don't you like it? Is it because you worry about him and you wonder where he's going with his life if a good portion of it is devoted to the pursuit of oblivion? Do you think it may dull his ambitions and that you'd prefer someone a bit sharper?

Many people have taken drugs somewhere along the line. But you seem to think that this man is out of control - even though he has been able, to some extent, to reign in his habit for seven months. The strain you are experiencing is the result of the fact that you don't trust him. His life style makes you nervous. I don't think that you can carry on like this for much longer because anxiety is, eventually, a passion killer.
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