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Dear Sally Ann
I'm with this man who's so into himself. I found it amusing at first: the way he looks at himself in the mirror; his passion for buying designer clothes and accessories; how he loves to spend time applying nice-smelling lotions to his skin. Now his behaviour has grown annoying. I don't think I spend half as much time on myself as he does on himself. Worse, he doesn't bother to take me out to dinner or buy me flowers anymore (we've been together for over a year). I'm not demanding, but sometimes it would be nice to receive things just to feel like I'm loved. I'm wondering if this is normal behaviour for guys. I love my boyfriend, but I'm concerned. I don't know if I can put up with his egotistical ways forever.
Mary
I've had two boyfriends who spent their whole time applying nice-smelling lotions to themselves and between them they taught me everything I ever needed to know about skincare. I've always been grateful for that and every time I open my bathroom cupboard and see the shelves groaning with more products than the average department store counter, I think about them fondly.
Now, one of them was a narcissist, the other was just hygienic. You sound like you've got yourself a narcissist. They're no good. If he likes buying designer clothes and accessories for himself then surely he can buy the odd thing for you? He obviously knows about good stuff so he's not like those men who just don't have a clue what to get you and are paralysed by their own fear of getting it wrong.
More important than the presents, though, is the dinner issue. If he never takes you out, what on earth do you two do for socialising? Where do you eat? Or don't you? And what you don't mention is sex. Is he for it or against it? Or has it gone the way of the presents and the restaurants?
There could be something really the matter with this man and it's probably time for you to have a little talk. Not about the egotistical symptoms of his problem but about the cause. You say you're concerned about his behaviour - tell him. You say that you don't know if you can put up with it for ever - tell him.
One woman I know had a husband a bit like you describe. They had lovely chats about fashion and interior design but the relationship wasn't exactly hot. And you know what? He turned out to be gay. They had an amicable separation and she always consults him on matters of taste.
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