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Coping with the in-laws
continued from page 1
'It's only a cup of tea.'
It's fair to say that the majority of in-laws aren't the monsters we make them out to be. Most people are decent human beings, even if we do like to roll our eyes at the very mention of the mother-in-law, and paint a picture of some fire-breathing old boot with a chip on both shoulders. But if men stop to think about the major difficulties we have with the parents of their beloved, chances are they all started out as minor irritations. Whether it's her habit of nattering over the news roundup, or his inability to make a decent cup of tea, these things can escalate if all we do is seethe.
If you don't feel able to make light of such moments in private with him - which can only clear the air - you need to step back from the situation together and look at things from a fresh perspective. Encourage him to reserve some space for himself. Nobody's going to complain if he 'nips out to buy a newspaper' if it guarantees he'll come home smiling.
'About your mother?'
Making a bad cup of tea is one thing, making out we're not good enough for their precious child is another. Tackling big in-law issues isn't easy for men, which is why we often just brood in silence. We're on dangerous ground by default, but you have to speak up for everyone to be happy. The key is to have that conversation long before he explodes because your folks have invited themselves on holiday with you (again) - at a time when the two of you are alone, calm and relaxed. You just know any suggestion that he's being unreasonable will lead to one of you sleeping on the sofa, but that won't happen if you look for ways to improve your relationship. OK, so some mother management may be one concession you have to make, but in return feel free to bring in any issues you'd like to overcome concerning his parents, too. Spin it right and I guarantee you won't be yelling nose-to-nose.
'It's only a cup of tea.'
It's fair to say that the majority of in-laws aren't the monsters we make them out to be. Most people are decent human beings, even if we do like to roll our eyes at the very mention of the mother-in-law, and paint a picture of some fire-breathing old boot with a chip on both shoulders. But if men stop to think about the major difficulties we have with the parents of their beloved, chances are they all started out as minor irritations. Whether it's her habit of nattering over the news roundup, or his inability to make a decent cup of tea, these things can escalate if all we do is seethe.
If you don't feel able to make light of such moments in private with him - which can only clear the air - you need to step back from the situation together and look at things from a fresh perspective. Encourage him to reserve some space for himself. Nobody's going to complain if he 'nips out to buy a newspaper' if it guarantees he'll come home smiling.
'About your mother?'
Making a bad cup of tea is one thing, making out we're not good enough for their precious child is another. Tackling big in-law issues isn't easy for men, which is why we often just brood in silence. We're on dangerous ground by default, but you have to speak up for everyone to be happy. The key is to have that conversation long before he explodes because your folks have invited themselves on holiday with you (again) - at a time when the two of you are alone, calm and relaxed. You just know any suggestion that he's being unreasonable will lead to one of you sleeping on the sofa, but that won't happen if you look for ways to improve your relationship. OK, so some mother management may be one concession you have to make, but in return feel free to bring in any issues you'd like to overcome concerning his parents, too. Spin it right and I guarantee you won't be yelling nose-to-nose.
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