Susanne Remic is a primary school teacher, freelance writer and parenting blogger. She writes at Ghostwritermummy and Maternity Matters and in between all of that she regularly wins mummy of the year awards for running around after her two children, aged six and 19 months. This is her pregnancy blog: an online diary of her third pregnancy as she strives to overcome two difficult births, one angel child and one awkward toddler. Join Susanne as she shares every step of her journey from bump to baby!
Saying goodbye to the past
By Susanne Remic on 09 Aug 2011
My son’s birth was not a happy affair and when I fell pregnant this time, my husband and I knew without a doubt that we would be booking into a different hospital. Having had two emergency sections and feeling very let down by my local hospital, I felt an explanation was not needed.
My GP felt differently, however. After briefly explaining why I would not feel comfortable receiving maternity care in the same building where I was ignored, disregarded and eventually rushed to theatre to save my baby’s life, my GP gave me some forms for self referral to the hospital of my choice.
My son’s birth was more than a traumatic experience for me. Fortunately, I have turned it into an education and now I know my rights better than most. Better than the old me, who didn’t even know she could choose her own hospital. I researched local maternity units, being lucky enough to live close to a few good choices. Despite impending closures of two local units (these closures meaning that my local hospital is to become a Super Unit) I made an informed decision about my maternity care and booked myself in.
Job done. First appointment done. Midwife met. Anxieties about the slightly longer journey dealt with. Assurances of an elective - not emergency - section made. Good job.
Then I received a letter from my community midwife - the same lovely lady who saw me through my last pregnancy. This midwife saw my anguish after my son was born and referred me to a midwife counsellor at the hospital so that I could read through my notes and try to gain some understanding about his birth.
Unfortunately, this midwife also disregarded my fears about my son’s birth and told me I wouldn’t need a section. I wasn’t exactly looking forward to meeting her again. Especially since she had written to tell me that she had taken the liberty of booking me into the same hospital for this baby too.
The first thing my midwife said to me when she saw me was, “So you’re doing it again, then?” in reference to the last conversation we’d had. I needn’t have worried about the appointment - she was lovely. We discussed my hospital choice, what had happened last time and the policies that had been put into place for the new Super Unit at the hospital. She understood my fears and she counselled me through them. Then she told me that she was moving teams and I would be having a different community midwife for the rest of my pregnancy.
So it’s goodbye to the past. New midwife, new hospital. New baby. New experience. No emergencies, no uncertainties and - hopefully - no traumatic experiences.
There’s no denying that my son’s birth has shaped who I am today, but in some ways I no longer think that is a bad thing. Yes, the early days were so hard, especially since he suffered terribly from reflux and was generally very unsettled. Yes, his birth was an experience that I should never have gone through.
But in many ways, it’s the tough times in life that makes you who you are and give you the shoes you need to travel the rough terrain of life. Today, I know what it’s like to peer down the precipice of darkness and I also know what it is like to claw my way back again. I came so close to the edge of a nightmare that I know the way back so well now. I know my rights. I know how strong I am. I know how to be a good mother.
It feels so good to say goodbye to the past.
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